How do you support your spouse through different seasons of life? In this episode of the Pocket Change Podcast, Financial Champion Caroline Brown sits down with Shea and Carrie to share what she and her husband have learned through navigating multiple career shifts and cross-country moves over 11 years of marriage.
Prioritize each other daily by checking in, supporting one another, and pursuing shared goals and dreams.
Work together as a team in areas like budgeting, money management, and balancing responsibilities.
Stay content in the present while still dreaming about the future and working toward long-term goals together.
Communicate openly and honestly, especially about finances and expectations, and practice self-awareness to avoid projecting unmet needs onto your spouse.
Supporting your spouse well means always having their back. Here are some key ways you can prioritize each other:
Check in with each other daily to see how you're doing.
Be willing to make sacrifices together.
Move in the same direction by building shared goals and dreams.
Budgeting and money management also play major roles in the health of your marriage. Juggling money, jobs, and school can be overwhelming, so it’s essential to work together as a team.
Not sure how to be content in the present? Dream about the future. One spouse may be more of a dreamer, but remember that not every dream has to happen tomorrow. Some goals may take years—and that’s okay. Working toward them together brings connection and purpose.
Financial uncertainty can be stressful, but it’s important to be honest with each other about your concerns. Communicate early and often. Don’t put off hard conversations. And practice self-awareness so you can understand your own expectations. You may realize you have unmet expectations if you continually project them onto your spouse.
The Pocket Change Podcast is presented by Leaders Credit Union. To learn more about Leaders, visit leaderscu.com.
Shea:
Welcome to the Pocket Change Podcast!
Carrie:
Where you'll learn better ways to spend, save, and invest and take control of your financial journey.
Shea:
All right, Carrie, do you know the number one issue that couples argue about?
Carrie:
I think I do.
Shea:
What is it?
Carrie:
It's how you put your toilet paper roll, right?
Shea:
There is the right way to do it! That's right. It's over the top.
Carrie:
I'm glad we got that clear. But what is it?
Shea:
That is probably number two. But number one is that couples argue about money. Money is the biggest thing that couples argue about. So today we're going to talk to someone who's been through some different seasons financially with their spouse and see what they have to say.
Carrie:
Yeah, I'm excited. She's going to kind of guide us through how to support one another through big life changes and different seasons. And it'll be interesting to hear her advice. We're excited to welcome our guest today, Caroline Brown, one of our financial champions here at Leaders. Welcome to Pocket Change, Caroline!
Caroline Brown:
Thank you. I'm happy to be here.
Carrie:
So, can you tell us a little bit about yourself, and how you and your spouse met, and about the early years of marriage?
Caroline Brown:
Yeah. So, my name is Caroline Brown, and I am originally from Nashville, Tennessee. I was born and raised there, and then I graduated from the University of Tennessee in Knoxville.
Carrie:
Go Vols!
Caroline Brown:
Yes, go Vols. That's where I went. I met my husband while we were both in college, and we got married 11 years ago. And when I think about the early years of our marriage, I really, honestly think about how hard it was when we first got married. Those first few years, not only were we just trying to figure out how to be a married couple and being so young, we were trying to learn how to support each other. And we started off, just after a few months of being married, one of us was in school full-time and one was working full-time. And through the years we really have passed that baton back and forth a couple times on both sides. And so, we've learned a lot and grown a lot. But it was very difficult in the beginning to do that.
Shea:
And marriage is a lifetime of learning that, you know, and giving to each other. So, I think that's good. And there's no relation, by the way, Shea Brown, Caroline Brown. Not that we know of. But anyway, what does it mean to you? You know, you talked a little bit about some of the challenges of passing the baton back and forth. What's it mean to support your spouse well, to you?
Caroline Brown:
Yeah. So, I think through the years we've really gotten a lot better at that. I wish I could say I was really good at that at the beginning, but I think you go into marriage with certain expectations that you don't even really know that you have. And I think when one person maybe is supporting the other in a financial way and the other is in school, you can kind of that, kind of builds that muscle over time. Yeah. So, I think that Jacob and I have gotten better at this through the years. I wish I could say that we were really good at it in the beginning of our marriage, but we've built that muscle over the years. But I think kind of an example I could give that kind of shows how to support your spouse well is always having their back, and that kind of sounds simple, but I think Jacob and I always try to be checking in with one another. We love to have our morning coffee kind of chats and talking through how the other is feeling. And are they feeling fulfilled in their day to day? And if they aren't, and if that's kind of a theme that's going on and on, you're not stuck and you're not alone. And we can make sacrifices for one another to make a change in your life and your career. One thing was the first, like 5 or 6 years of our marriage, it was really focused on Jacob, kind of. He was a paramedic and then went into nursing school, and that was when I was kind of focused on being that steady income and that, benefits and everything that we needed to kind of keep going. And once we were to the point where he was a nurse and then I was still working in the corporate space, I was really burned out at that point, and he really gave me the confidence and the support to make a change in my career and encouraged me. I mean, I was just so fearful, but he encouraged me to leave my career and leave that steady income because he now had that. And he supported me while I went through beauty school and became a hairstylist. So made a huge career change and it was really scary to do that at 27 years old. But I'm so glad that I did, and I wouldn't have been able to do that if he didn't support me fully. So, I think supporting your spouse as well is making sure that they're doing well mentally and just holistically in their life, and then making sure that they know that you'll make sacrifices for them just like they've made for you.
Carrie:
So, lots of check-ins and making sure that you're both on the same page and you're moving in the same direction.
Caroline Brown:
Yeah.
Carrie:
I think that's important. And, you know, a lot of us can relate to that, especially getting married at a young age. It's not like you are, you know, built on all this wealth and that you can just do whatever you want. You're learning and you're growing together. So that's very important. So, can you tell us a little bit about how both of you try to make big decisions together? You know, you kind of touched on that a little bit, but can you walk us through one of those big decisions that you guys have made and what came of it?
Caroline Brown:
Yeah. So, I would say when we make big decisions, whether it's financially or one of us going into a different career path or going to school for, for example, we try to make sure that we both have peace about that decision. And if we don't, we really pray and focus on, “Okay, God, we need you to give us peace, both of us, or this is not the decision.” I just, we truly believe that. And it's been shown time and time again in our marriage. We wanted to move to Utah, but I was very fearful about that decision. I just didn't really want to leave my family in Tennessee, and he was really excited to make that move. And so, we were contemplating that decision and praying about that. And there was one day in particular that I kind of just felt peace about it. I thought, “You know what? We are going to move to Utah. And when I get home today, I'm going to tell Jacob.” And on the other side, I didn't know at the time, but Jacob had been feeling the complete opposite. He had wanted to move, and that same day he had been praying to just honestly let that dream go so that we could stay in Tennessee with my family. And he got home. He beat me to it. He said, “Hey, we really need to talk. I really feel like we need to just not move.” And I said, “Well, that's funny because I felt the complete opposite today and we do need to move.” And we moved, and it was the best thing that we ever did. And I think it showed us that we just yeah, we can kind of do anything when we work together and when we have that peace. And you kind of focus on what God's telling you.
Carrie:
Then when you move like that, you have to rely on each other.
Caroline Brown:
Oh yeah. Right.
Carrie:
It forces you to be in that place, which sounds like it set you up for what was to come next, right?
Caroline Brown:
Yes, it absolutely did.
Shea:
And what how y'all worked together before that kind of built up to that? Because each one of you were supporting each other in different careers and schools and things like that. So yeah, you can see how it aligns together. Yes. And so, part of that, you know, if you're balancing different schools or different careers is budgeting, is money management as a couple. So, you know, when income and life circumstances change, how do y'all manage that?
Caroline Brown:
Yeah. So, it's been hard because like I said, we've had times where both have been working full-time and then times where one of us has, and incomes have been higher and lower at times. And that can be challenging to have kind of a moving target for your budget. But I think over the years we've learned our strengths. I know you probably have heard Dave Ramsey specifically says someone usually is a saver and someone's usually a spender. I would say we both maybe are spenders in my household, but definitely he's more realistic than I am. And so, I think we've learned our strengths through the years, and I think we do better when we're kind of big picture looking at things together on a weekly basis. And then Jacob is really good at getting into the details of the budget and kind of tracking our transactions and our budget items. And so that's kind of what we've learned. You just kind of have to lean on those strengths.
Carrie:
And always be checking in with not just each other, but your budget as well.
Caroline Brown:
Exactly. Exactly.
Carrie:
That's good. So how do you balance being content in the now while also being hopeful to what's next?
Caroline Brown:
Yeah. So right now, I don't think I said this, but we are in Jackson. My husband is in a doctorate program at Union University. So, we're on another one of those baton passes where I'm supporting us as we go through this season of life. And it can be hard at times because we're kind of in this season where, you know, we're not yet where we want to be, but we're headed there.
Caroline Brown:
So, I think how we stay content is dreaming about the future, and that just is fun for us. And that's gotten easier over the years. When we first got together and first got married, we had a pre-marital counselor specifically tell us that, you know, sometimes when couples dream one might be more of a dreamer than the other, and it might freak the other one out. If you start saying all these grandiose things that you want to do one day. So, something that we learned was to preface, “Hey, in Dream, Dream, Dream Land.” Like, it sounds silly, but if you say that, then it gives the other partner kind of pause. Like, “Okay, they don't really…”
Shea:
“This is what I'm talking about.”
Caroline Brown:
Yes, “This is the future. We don't have to do this tomorrow. I don't need you to get going.” But it kind of gives them permission to dream. And the other just permission to listen and to just listen.
Shea:
Not freak out about it.
Caroline Brown:
Yes! Not freak out. Not freak out and downward spiral, but to just listen. And through the years, because we kind of accomplished some of those dreams, like moving across country and back again, and then me going to beauty school and him making a huge career change, it's made those dreams feel like, “Oh, we actually can make some things happen, and the Dream, Dream, Dream Land could maybe be more like reality one day.” So.
Shea:
That's a good tip. And I think, I hope this episode will help a lot of couples, because I'm sure there's been plenty of couples who have gone through similar things. And you know, there are some times where people and couples may be in a season of uncertainty financially. So, what would you say to those people if they're in an uncertain time with their finances?
Caroline Brown:
Yeah, I think being, maybe if you are in a situation where maybe you're the side of the couple that is working and you're supporting your spouse, that can be difficult. And sometimes it can feel like the burden is on you. But I would say, and I didn't say this earlier, but I think it's important to say that it's always our money. It's not his or mine or hers. So, it's our money. And so, thinking as a team. And then also if you are feeling burdened and stressed, making sure that your spouse is aware and that you're on the same page and feeling like, so you don't feel like you're carrying all of that. And then I would say, if you're finding that, you know, maybe there isn't a plan for the future, trying to look ahead and “Are we just not making ends meet because we're not making ends meet? Or is it a season that's going to end? And is there a plan in the future to make this better? And do we need to make career changes to improve our situation?” So…
Shea:
Yeah, communication is key.
Carrie:
That's right. I think that's great advice because I feel like couples tend to get stuck in thinking that just because we're this way, we have to continue this way.
Caroline Brown:
Yeah, you don't have to.
Carrie:
But you can make a change at any point.
Caroline Brown:
Exactly.
Carrie:
You can make a career change. You can move across the country if you need to. You don't have to be stuck. As long as you're in it together, I think that's really great advice.
Caroline Brown:
Yep.
Carrie:
So, thank you so much, Caroline, for sharing all of this. I think it's great advice for our listeners. But since it is a financial podcast, what would you say is your best financial advice that you've been given?
Caroline Brown:
Yeah. Well, I kind of, I like to jokingly say you got to spend money to make money. It's not always true, but it is a joke. But not really. But no, I would say truly the best advice would probably be, I remember listening to Dave Ramsey in the car with my mom growing up, and I think it was beat in my head that you don't need to live in debt, so we've definitely done that. But related back to my first advice that I jokingly say, in this point, we are spending money, okay, we're going into debt for his doctorate program.
Shea:
But to make money.
Caroline Brown:
To make money!
Carrie:
So it’s an investment.
Caroline Brown:
Yeah, it kind of all goes together. But those are my things.
Shea:
You're investing in yourself.
Caroline Brown:
Generally, sometimes as long as there's a plan for the future and it makes sense, sometimes you do have to take on some debt.
Shea:
And so last question, you know, if you found some extra change in your pocket, what would you spend it on?
Caroline Brown:
Yeah, I think I would go thrifting. The Goodwill's in Jackson are actually really good. So that's giving me some joy in this season of life.
Carrie:
Great. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast with us today and sharing about your life and some great tips for our listeners.
Caroline Brown:
You're welcome. Thank you for having me. Thanks.